I wish someone told me about normal infant sleep

2 Sept

The reality of normal infant sleep: it’s not linear, some babies are more wakeful than others, it’s normal to respond to your baby's needs all day and all night, what works for one family probably won’t work for you.

Hey Mama,

Like many before me, I imagined newborn days to be a soft and slow experience, one where my baby would be wrapped and popped down to nap, either in their bed or the pram while I walked or caught up with other mums.

What was my experience? That of a baby who wouldn’t sleep in the pram or her bed for longer than a catnap. I felt comfortable supporting her with naps in the carrier, until I didn’t. Until my whole body ached, until it rained day after day and I was pacing my 70sqm apartment trying to settle a carrier napper. Until the feeling of giving and my body being used 24/7 wore me down and wore me out.

What I wish I knew? This is normal infant sleep behavior. Babies are designed to be close to you, to need you and to wake frequently. Sleep is developmental, not linear and we can support our babies to sleep, without the pressure for it to look a certain way. Your child’s sleep development is just that- something that develops and changes over time. It can be helpful to learn about the full picture of sleep development from age 0 to 5 years.

Sleep changes consistently and drastically as babies mature. There will be times when your baby sleeps less during the day, is fussier during the day, needs more support to fall or stay asleep, won’t let you transfer them down once asleep, wake more often during the night, and expresses themselves by crying more at night - these periods often coincide with a developmental leap where baby is developing significantly more awareness or skills.

This can feel like you have created a ‘bad’ sleeper, like it will stay this way forever, like you can’t read your baby’s cues anymore, like you don’t know where to begin to improve sleep. This is normal! Know that your baby is progressing in development and that it won’t be like this forever.

What we need is support for us, to be able to support our babies, rather than focusing on trying to change the developmental sleep process of your baby.

What support and tools will be helpful when you feel like what you’re doing, doesn’t work for you anymore?

Think about parent sleep in a 24 hour cycle, and build in windows of sleep. Ideally you will have at least one block of 3-4 hours solid sleep, where the other parent is available to take baby over that time
There are no rules, there is only what works for your family & when something isn’t working anymore, you can change it by figuring out what you need, and gradually adapting your sleep routine to fit your needs.
Learn about your baby’s tired cues and wake windows, create a toolbox of ways to soothe and settle your baby, let go of expectations and other people’s ‘rules’ about how sleep is supposed to look, and tune into what your baby is telling you they need.
Create some positive sleep associations, of which you are a part of. Some ideas are: A predictable bedtime routine, bedding that smells like you, a noise machine, a dummy, bum pats or back rubs, singing and rocking can all work together to help your baby fall asleep. When you respond to their wakes, stay calm and use their sleep associations to help support them back to sleep. Being helped to calm back down to sleep is what teaches babies and toddlers how to do this for themselves one day.
Try something consistently. We’re all learning and the more we do something, the more natural it becomes to us. Babies too. We can’t expect babies to go from being carrier supported for sleep, to sleeping in a bed the day we decide to switch. But we can continue to support them to sleep without a carrier by creating a new routine for sleep and working with it consistently to support our baby to sleep.
Gather your support people and let them know what you’d like to do or how you are struggling- can you share the load? Can the other parent or support person take baby for regular naps? Or can these people take care of everything else in the running of your home enabling you the time to rest around your infant’s sleep? If financial means permit, can you hire help to support your, or take care of the household load occasionally?
Can you consider bedsharing if you aren’t already. Safely bedsharing can be a way for everyone to get more sleep and it doesn’t have to be forever, it can be a tool for a period of time
Download some audio books or have your kindle nearby if you know you will be spending more time supporting your baby to sleep
Try not to fight sleep, if the nap isn’t happening, take a break and revisit it in 20 mins. Sometimes we need a circuit breaker
Resist the urge to force something that isn’t working and try to settle in to what is, knowing that this isn’t forever.
Whatever you are doing - you are amazing! Asking for help isn’t a weakness, try to also look after your own needs