I wish someone told me… I would feel so disconnected to myself
Hey there Mama,
Feeling like you are so disconnected from your Self, I feel that so deeply. One of the things we don’t know until we know - the endless giving of motherhood. Not only to your child/children, but to your household, your partner, your family, heck, even your friends! It can feel like an endless pour from your own cup and nothing filling it back up.
I wish I could tell you that connection to Self will return naturally, and partially it will, but what I have learned through experience and witnessing other mothers on the journey, coming back to Self is a practice and something we benefit from making a priority. This is why I am so passionate about self-care in Motherhood.
Self care in early motherhood can be split in two forms: the essentials - adequate hydration, nourishing foods, gentle movement of your body, adequate sleep, deep breaths, daily shower or bath, lots of rest (preferably feet up!). Then when the time is right, self-care that brings you joy and is achievable.
Self-care essentials are what will help get you through each day, and aid to your recovery from pregnancy, birth and early postpartum. They sound simple, but are so often forgotten or at the bottom of the priority list.
When simplifying self-care to the essentials, it’s important to get help! These are things your support people can aid you with - a full water bottle, warm cups of herbal tea, nourishing meals and plenty of one handed nutrient dense snacks, holding baby while you take 5 minutes to gently stretch your spine, shoulders, chest and neck (sitting and feeding a baby is taxing on your body), structuring the day to ensure you get a shower or bath at least once, taking your baby or setting you up so you can get some protected sleep. Protected sleep is a block of around 3-4 hours in one sitting, where someone else tends to your baby over that time. Let’s not forget a team of people taking care of your laundry, dishes, housework, to do list, changing sheets and ensuring you are maximising time sitting or laying down. This is all essential for postpartum healing and protecting your space to enable you time to connect with your baby, establish feeding and recovery.
Eventually, when the time is right for you - Self-care that brings you joy! This can become a practice - something that gives you energy and is woven into your life, it leaves you feeling full and able to continue the ever giving experience of motherhood, with more joy and less resentment. Knowing this will look different for us all, depending on what lights us up, what we have capacity for and how we are supported to have this space.
Self-care that brings me joy and fills my cup is:
Daily meditation
Walking with intention (noticing my surroundings or listening to a podcast or music that is uplifting)
Exercise (generally around 30 minutes either at home or running)
Yoga or gentle stretching
Connection with friends (daily/weekly through WhatsApp and in person when we can)
Reading before bed (highly recommended a kindle so you aren’t fiddling with pages if you’re night feeding)
The thing to remember with self-care practices in motherhood, don’t aim for perfection and drop the need for it to look a certain way, because it just won’t meet your expectations. Start small. When you have a baby, and all the things that come with having a baby, getting out for half an hour is likely not possible, or challenging at least, so start small, maybe 15 minutes, a place to establish a practice and grow from there. Perhaps this is taking a cup of tea and sitting down to enjoy it, or taking some long intentional breaths while you shower, something that will ground you into your body.
Here is an example: My daily meditation is sometimes uninterrupted alone time, and other times I have children at my knees and only get half way through. Regardless of what happens, I know that making and taking the time to sit with my eyes closed is vital for me to be in my body and feel like I am connected to myself.
My at home yoga or exercise practice - I have learned that getting on my mat with kids, chaos, blocks, chatter, is better than not getting on my mat at all. When it comes to walking or running, a loop around the block will allow enough space to refuel when I don’t have the time or energy for a longer length of time, or, I take the children with me in the pram. Not perfect, not as relaxing as I hope for, but the time outside, and with something playing in my ears, is uplifting and energising.
Perfection is never the goal, it’s about meeting your own needs in the capacity you have right now and knowing that anything you give yourself is better than nothing and the more you practise, the fuller your cup can be. The more you practise, hopefully the easier it gets, and you are showing your children what self-care is and how important it is to our experiences as humans.
And remember: Alone time going to the grocery stores is not self-care!
